Why do People Self Sabotage – How do you to stop yourself

 

Success strategies today is about Self sabotage and how to overcome doing this to yourself, so let’s get right into things

 

Causes- What are the triggers?

Why do people Self Sabotage themselves? This question is so important to so many people including me, as years ago I self-sabotaged and learned why and what triggered this stupid move.

Having learned through study and putting into practice what I learned I want to help you overcome this destructive negative from your life so you can truly live the life you were born to live.

I am going to share a story about a friend of mine who to this day continues to self-sabotage no matter how much I try to help her. I am going to call her Jill for the purpose of this story and asl to keep her privacy safe.

About 20 years ago I met a Singer-songwriter while I was out at a hotel where she and another lady who I knew very well were entertaining that night.

While I was watching them perform, it astounded me at the amazing talent they both had and I decided to meet them and tell them my thoughts.

One of them, Jane, I had known since college so we hugged and chatted about the old days and I told her how pleased I was to be watching her perform as she was so talented.

The other lady, Jill and I spoke and I also told her she had a truly natural gift as a singer and also mentioned to her, she was an amazing songwriter as well. she thanked me and they went on to entertain for the rest of the evening.

When they had finished I approached them again and we all swapped phone numbers so we could maybe do a show together as I was also a performer in those days.

I got to know Jill very well over the next few years. We worked together a few times and the 3 of us did about 5 shows together which was fun.

I had already recorded my 2nd album by now and Jane had released her 1 and only album as she had been diagnosed with terminal cancer and wanted to release it before she died so the money from sales to go to her son to help him through his life as she wouldn’t be there to do this.

You can watch her documentary here if you like https://www.nzonscreen.com/title/my-name-is-jane-1999

Jane was an incredible woman who wrote the most beautiful album, recorded it, and released it while she was terminally ill- Self-sabotage was NO part of her life, in fact, she had more courage than most people I know and she was also one of the most amazing people I have had the pleasure to be in my life until she passed at 42 years of age.

Jane made a choice to live her life to the fullest even knowing she had limited time and to me, she has left a legacy to her son which will live in him forever.

Ok, let’s move onto Jill, the other singer-songwriter. Jill had a tough childhood, living in Foster care etc. and as an adult is a survivor of hard times as many of us are.

Jill is a gifted Singer/Songwriter and her voice is as classy and cool as Joan Armatrading, Aretha Franklin, Tracy Chapman and Adele to name a few. This woman is seriously talented/gifted. She has written enough songs to record and release a minimum of 3 albums and is now 54 and has still not done this.

When I ask her why not, she says the songs still need work as they are not perfect and every time I offer to help or suggest I manage this for her, she thanks me, says that would be great and does nothing further with my offers.

Jill self-sabotages every time as she has a real fear of success. Yes Success, not a failure. she knows if she recorded and released these albums she would be famous and this would change her life. For her, although she would never admit this, is the reason she will not pursue this amazing opportunity which is incredibly sad.

She is living from week to week in a job which exhausts her when she could be living very comfortably in her home, doing what she was born to do and she always makes excuses for not completing an album.

She even got an insurance payout for having breast cancer years ago and I suggested she put the money into a recording and release of her music and she agreed it was a great idea and promptly spent the money on other less important things. So sad. Self Sabotage strikes again and by her own choice.

Jill still talks about recording an album, and I will be the 1st to celebrate if she ever breaks her self-sabotage cycle that is for sure.

She remains stagnant, lacking courage and faith to do this for herself and her fans. Yes, she has a lot of fans as she is a wonderful Singer/songwriter and entertained for around 15 years but never with something to market and to share with her audience as a take-home which would have been so great.

As a Coach, I have tried all kind of techniques with her and have had to the point of saying, ok, lets do this and I have been excited thinking, this time, she will do it, then nothing happens and when I mention it again to her, she makes  up excuses as to why she is not ready. Self Sabotage at its finest.

Her triggers are from childhood beliefs which she has not let go of and continues to let them feed in her mind which is really sad as all she has to do is tell herself, that was then and this is no longer in my life. Then move forward into a bright future living her best life.

One day maybe she will do this and let her beautiful talent out into the world. I hope she does as she is so gifted with her craft.

Perfection 

People strive for perfection and although this is great, there really is no such thing. Perfection is like the impossible dream.

We can set our goals and strive to do our best in reaching every goal we set for ourselves but perfection is a whole new ball game.

Have you ever seen a perfect flower or a perfect piece of wood, or a perfect…

If things were perfect, nothing would grow or continue to be developed because it would be perfect so no need. Is this true?

Stopping when you are so close.

People also work towards a goal and just before they reach the goal, they stop working and let the goal slide away. Self-sabotage again. Why do they do this?

Fear of failure? No, fear of success. You see imagine you set an awesome goal for yourself, say in your workplace or your sporting life and imagine if you attained the goal and the success. How would you change? How would your life look like if you, say became a sporting hero?

You would become known by 1000’s of people, you would get invited to speak at functions, you may be on TV or the Worldwide news and imagine how that would be

 

Now for some of you, this is not fearful in any way but for others, it is terrifying and because we tell ourselves it is terrifying, we sabotage the success.

Failure

I love this word. So many people think they will fail if they try… or what happens if I fail at … If only people realised failure is when you don’t try new things.

If you do try new things and they don’t work out as you hoped, at least you gave it your best shot and because of this, you will never be the same person you were before you tried.

However, if you look at doing something and remain a spectator and do not pursue what you really want to do, then yes, this is a FAIL for you.

I always ask my clients this. “What is the worst thing that can happen?” and once you have answered this questions, chances are that dreaded thing that stops you from progressing is not going to happen. It is simply your mind telling you what it wants and you have control over your mind at all times.

 

Success           

Why do People Self Sabotage themselves when they can keep going just that little bit further and success is theirs.

Success – what does this mean. https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/success

When you are working towards your goals, I want you to acknowledge your success steps along the way and congratulate yourself even when you make the smallest amount of progress as this will help to keep you motivated.

Do not listen to people who are negative and try to tell you what you are doing is not working or will not happen. Please surround yourself with people who are positive and supportive and those who encourage you to reach your goals.

Often as a child, we have experienced put-downs from people close to us and as adults, we gravitate to similar people as this is familiar, however, I am telling you now familiar is not always good for us. I suggest if you want success on a grand scale you need to grow in circles with other success-minded, driven people and a great idea for this is to join your local chamber of commerce and go to the breakfasts and networking meetings that are held near you. You will meet great people, learn new skills and network as well which is so good to do.

If it is sporting success you are wanting, please do your research on who to approach and then meet with this person and share what you want to achieve. Get a coach and let them train you up for success.

In conclusion today

Think for a minute of all the successful people you have heard of in the world. How did they do it? How did they achieve the success they have achieved?

With guts, determination, courage, goals, plans, and self-belief. This is how they became successful

To finish off today here is a video of successful and I hope you have enjoyed this article

Please do me a favour and leave a comment below with your feedback and thoughts on success as I would really appreciate this, thank you

Ok bye for now

Vicki

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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